sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
