Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it's like heaven, but drunker
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize