Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
His hands were made for my vagina.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize