She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
