I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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