I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize