Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
