Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
