I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I stole a fireplace last night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
