Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
