Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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