Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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