Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I had to cum in my sink.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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