dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
