I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
