I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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