ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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