Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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