I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
