Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
