i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
