she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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