I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
