i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
