to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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