Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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