is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We are two peas in an std pod
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
