cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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