he wants to bone in the snuggie
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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