The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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