So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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