just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
