I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
