It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize