omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
