The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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