i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You pole danced in your parka.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize