i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
honey bunches of taint.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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