Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
