I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
