Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How does one acquire holy water?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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