If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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