also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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