I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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