can we get nightvision for the apartment?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
