I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
pray to the hookup gods
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
