apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize