i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
