I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's rum buckets o'clock
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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