No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
