Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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