she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
