why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
