If that was your dad, he is hot
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
