i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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