Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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