I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
