Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
