Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
