oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
