"it" just moved
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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