If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
