Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
even my farts smell like vagina
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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