I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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