Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
