Please don't use social media to get back at me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize