At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
