So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
