i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
