I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
