all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
