he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
