arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
