I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
