Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize