Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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