Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
