'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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