Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
