And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
