I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
