I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
