i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
