She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
zippers are such a cool invention
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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