Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
