I wanna bring you to show and tell
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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