all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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