I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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