dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize