oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
