ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
